New Year Resolution

You write something on a piece of paper to remember it for a while. Then you crumble it and throw it in the garbage. From there, it moves from one dump to another. Soon enough, it loses all its existence in form and in meaning. This is how I feel about New Year's resolution. We (some of us) make it with great enthusiasm as if what was in the last year will not be carried forward in the next year.

Up until last year, I struggled with confidence. I was always tangled in the web of 'what ifs'. You have great ideas and plans for yourself but you are never able to execute them. I would scare myself from taking the first step.

What if something goes wrong?

What if you don't do good?

It was not only demoralizing but also exhausting. And so, I would hush my voice and lower my head.

Then, somewhere around March or April, I read two beautiful phrases.

"The world will bring you down plenty. why are you doing that to yourself? "

It's so true. Most often, we are our biggest enemies with self-doubt, over criticism and a need to please everyone. I had never realized how detrimental my words were to myself. Before even trying, I was pulling myself down from climbing the ladder.

"What if we forgot all the reasons, why it won't work and focused on the one and only reason that it would?"

I have always drowned myself in the 'what-ifs'. Then why not try and focus on this one and see if it works.

I finally made a resolution to stop the negative cycle and march forward with this positive vibe. I decided to solve the problems as they came rather than creating more imaginary hurdles. I haven't become an extrovert suddenly but my new approach definitely helped me a lot in staying focused on the present. This year, on my bucket list, is 'patience'. Mistake me not. It's not a wish but a target that I want to achieve. Calmness in my soul and patience in my heart. Patience to watch over my thoughts and events of life and to get swayed away by them. It's not easy to break the habits that we had embraced for so long. I haven't mastered it. Occasionally there have been slips. I am not perfect but then who is. I am human and I do know I am capable of a lot of things.